In the 17 months after my father's death and cremation, my mother spent more time at work than at home, and I was mostly home alone by myself. I chopped off my hair because I wanted to look as bad as I felt. I'm 21 now, but that year I was only 11. What is the most likely reason for the author to cut his hair?

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In the 17 months after my father's death and cremation, my mother spent more time at work than at home, and I was mostly home alone by myself. I chopped off my hair because I wanted to look as bad as I felt. I'm 21 now, but that year I was only 11. What is the most likely reason for the author to cut his hair?