Intro to Business Communication: Interpersonal Communication - Assertiveness vs. Aggression vs. Passivity, DEAR MAN Technique

What This Is

Assertiveness, aggression, and passivity are three distinct communication styles that can make or break your professional relationships. In the workplace, being assertive is crucial for effective communication, building trust, and achieving goals. For instance, imagine you're a project manager and your team member sends you an email with a poorly written request, lacking clear deadlines and expectations. A passive response might lead to delays and misunderstandings, while an aggressive tone could damage the team's morale. On the other hand, an assertive response would clearly communicate the expectations and deadlines, ensuring the project stays on track.

Key Principles & Techniques

• DEAR MAN Technique: A step-by-step process to express yourself assertively:
  • D: Describe the situation or issue
  • E: Express your feelings and needs
  • A: Assert your request or solution
  • R: Reiterate your expectations
  • M: Make a plan or agreement
  • A: Acknowledge the other person's perspective
  • N: Negotiate and compromise
• Active Listening: Pay attention to the speaker, ask clarifying questions, and paraphrase to ensure understanding:
  • Example: "Just to make sure I understand, can you repeat that in your own words?"
• Non-Verbal Cues: Use positive body language to convey confidence and openness:
  • Example: Maintain eye contact, uncross your arms, and use open gestures
• "I" Statements: Express your thoughts and feelings using "I" instead of "you":
  • Example: "I feel frustrated when deadlines are not met" instead of "You always miss deadlines"
• Empathy: Show understanding and acknowledge the other person's perspective:
  • Example: "I can see why you'd feel that way"
• Specificity: Clearly state your request or expectation:
  • Example: "I need the report by Friday at 5 PM" instead of "Can you get it to me soon?"
• Boundary Setting: Clearly communicate your limits and expectations:
  • Example: "I'm not available to work on weekends" instead of "I'll try to get it done on the weekend"

Do's and Don'ts

• DO: Use a clear and concise subject line in emails to grab the reader's attention.
• DON'T: Use jargon or technical terms that might confuse the reader.
• DO: Use positive body language, such as maintaining eye contact and uncrossing your arms.
• DON'T: Cross your arms or legs, which can give the impression of being closed off.
• DO: Use specific examples to illustrate your point.
• DON'T: Make assumptions or jump to conclusions.

Common Mistakes

• Mistake: Using aggressive language or tone to get your point across.
• Correction: Use assertive language and tone, focusing on your needs and feelings.
• Mistake: Being too passive and avoiding conflict.
• Correction: Address conflicts and issues directly, using the DEAR MAN technique.
• Mistake: Not setting clear boundaries or expectations.
• Correction: Clearly communicate your limits and expectations to avoid misunderstandings.

Quick Practice

Scenario 1: Your team member sends you an email with a poorly written request, lacking clear deadlines and expectations. How would you rewrite this email?

Answer: "Hi [Team Member], I appreciate your request for [task]. To ensure we meet the deadline, I need you to submit the report by Friday at 5 PM. Please let me know if you have any questions or concerns."

Explanation: Use a clear and concise subject line, specify the deadline, and ask for confirmation.

Scenario 2: You're in a meeting and your colleague is dominating the conversation. What should you say first?

Answer: "Excuse me, I'd like to add my thoughts on [topic]. Can I share my perspective?"

Explanation: Use a polite interrupt to get your point across and avoid being overshadowed.

Scenario 3: You're communicating with a foreign colleague and you're not sure about the cultural norms. What should you do?

Answer: "Excuse me, can you tell me more about the cultural norms in your country regarding communication?"

Explanation: Show interest in the other person's culture and ask for clarification to avoid misunderstandings.

Last-Minute Cram Sheet

• BCC is not a secret weapon – overuse damages trust.
• Use "I" statements to express your thoughts and feelings.
• Active listening is key to effective communication.
• Non-verbal cues convey confidence and openness.
• Specificity is crucial when making requests.
• Boundary setting is essential for maintaining healthy relationships.
• Empathy shows understanding and acknowledges the other person's perspective.
• The DEAR MAN technique is a step-by-step process to express yourself assertively.
• Cultural differences can impact communication styles.
• Readability scores can help you write clear and concise emails.